How To Please Chicks

How To Please Chicks:

So, here we are once again. Now that you know how pick up chicks, it’s time to move on to what to do with a chick once you have one in your possession. If you think it’s easy to please a chick, you are wrong my little friends. Chicks don’t like sex the way us guys do. For them it’s supposed to be a meaningful and emotionally satisfying experience. For us guys we just want to sink the sausage, and shoot spunk all over the place. So, all of this results in a very complicated situation. However, there is no need to fear the poon tang kids. I will help to guide you though all the ins and outs of the sexual drama as it unfolds.

I would like start off with talking about foreplay. Foreplay is that stuff before actual sex happens. Here are a few of my favorite techniques.

Ass grabbing, chicks love it when you sneak up behind them and grab their booty. Sometimes even a good hard smack on the ass will do the trick.
Talking dirty, chicks love it when a guy talks dirty to them. Here are a few of my favorite lines.
“Who’s your daddy”
“ I know you want the sausage baby”
“ I have a bone that needs to be buried”
“ You look like type of chick I would like to pork”
“ Baby, I just want nail you in the ass”
That is a just of few. There thousands of great lines you can use, or you can be creative and come up with your own stuff.
The third and most important type of foreplay is simply jumping on top of a chick and
start humping her.

Now that we are done with having foreplay and you have your chick naked and all primed up to go, the first thing you have to do is evaluate the situation by checking a chick’s vagina for dampness. If she is fairly moist then your job will be an easy one. However this is rarely the case, you will probably find that she is as dry as the Sahara Desert. Then, you have a long night ahead you. So lets assume you chick is bone dry. What you will need to do is focus on the three pleasure zones, which are:
Nipples
Clitoris
Butthole
There is no need to waste time caressing her back or nibbling on her ear. That will get you no where. What you need to do is start at the top and work your way down starting with her nipples. You can pinch them, stretch them, and chew on them. Chicks like all that stuff. Or you can use devices such as clothespins, nipple clamps, hot wax and ice cubes. You can even use a Dust Buster if you want.

Next is the mysterious clitoris. The first thing you have to do is find the damn thing. On some chicks it is easy find, and on others it can be very elusive. But either way the only way to find is to go down there look. Once you have located your chick’s clitoris you can perform oral sex on her if she is a nice clean girl. But odds are your chick is the neighborhood skank, then I would avoid giving oral sex because the only thing you are going to get a taste of is the last ten guys she was with. Let me tell you kids, that is BAD!!! So what do you do? You bust out your high powered, mega-orgasmic gas powered vibrator. Just fire that bad boy up and pretend that you are drilling for oil down there. If you are lucky enough to have a nice clean chick, then do a little muff diving.

Last but not least is the almighty anus. All you have to do is spit on you finger and slam in there. It is as easy as that.

Now onto the actual act of porking. There are many positions that you can use. There is the old fashion missionary position, it’s not the best but it can be effective. Then there is having the chick on top and let her ride the sausage. This can be fun and it is less work for the dude. There is doggy style so you can spank her and pork her at the same time, while shouting, “Who’s your daddy”. This one is my personal favorite. Then there is spooning, yes kids, that is correct, spooning is an actual documented position. It’s similar to doggy style but you do it while lying on your side. This is not a good position if you are on a hard surface such as your driveway. Those are some of the basic porking positions. There are many more but I can’t talk about them all here and now.

After your chick is satisfied and you are drained of all your spunk, it’s always nice afterwards to kick back and enjoy a Camel cigarette, some cold pizza. After all you are a man now.